Deep Breaths

It's not about the donkey

Mother Theresa, upon receiving the nobel peace prize, was asked if her life was going to change and if she was worried about becomming prideful after such global recognition. She answered 'do you think that when Jesus rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday the donkey thought it was about him?'

I wonder if anyone knew the name of the donkey on that day. It was certainly not significant enough to be recorded in any story. He didn't receive a special grooming that morning or a rewarding marvelous dinner in the evening for his toils. He didn't become a tourist attraction where people came through to touch him, take a few strands from his tail to keep in a locket around the neck, or to see if there was an imprint upon his back from where the king had sat.

Not only did Mother Theresa give a great response but it really captures the philosophy of her entire life. This is how she lived, like the one carrying Jesus to his next destination. Not caring to be rewarded, and mostly unaware of how much of an impact she was having but simply there and fulfilling the task ahead. I have recently been reading about the early part of her life and it is so humbling and convicting to read about someone who only cared about others from the very beginning of her journey. No one seems to know how she came to be this way, and she probably didn't even have an answer as she wouldn't have thought it necessary. But unselfish she was from the moment she left her home country and arrived in India as a nun, to the end of her life, all she could see was the poor and their need for love. In all her travels and meetings, she was driven to spread the message of loving the poor. She had no riches of her own, lived a peasants life, sacrificed all just to bring hope to those who were suffering.


I find myself asking daily what stops me from being that way? What holds me back from letting go of everything and living in that manner? Even more frightening than the question, and even the answer itself, is the ability to answer truthfully. If I just think about this critically and play around with all the possible answers, I don't have to face the reality that my heart is so very dark. I can look to all the nice things people say about me, or the way I may have touched lives, or the exterior accomplishments and not actually force myself to admit I am still very selfish and self focussed. Even though I have given so many 'things' in my pursuit to become less materialistic, there are conditions of my heart that don't allow me to be humble and to completely let go of everything. My real selfish desires all seem to linger there hiding behind goodness, always pushing her to the front to convince me she is alone. I like goodness. I can placate myself with goodness but I will never be like Christ, fulfil my call to love unconditionally if I settle on looking at the surface alone.

Why is being truthful so frightening when answering these questions ? Because once you have the real answer, you cannot ignore it anymore. There is no more pretending, you cannot go back and act like you havent seen darkness hiding in the background. I reflect on every motive, every action, every word through this lens of truth and that is how I know for sure- I am not the donkey yet.

posted by John and Leia @ 12:52 PM